Monsters in the Cupboard – My Irrational Fear of Jools Holland

It’s no secret amongst my friends and family that I am terrified of Jools Holland. There is no particular reason for this fear, it’s just completely irrational. I’ve said some quite nasty things about him such as the time I called him a horrible little goblin. Before New Year I ended up discussing my fear of the man due to the coming Hootenanny (a word he made up) as every year my Dad threatens to put it on. Anyway during this conversation we somehow ended up on the topic of Jools Holland being in my cupboard. At the time it was merely an annoying, but slightly funny, joke, but come nighttime when I went to close my door to get dressed I was too afraid of Jools Holland being in my cupboard to close my door. So I waited for Sophie to come out of the toilet and when she did I had to ask her to check my cupboards (I have two) before I could even think about closing and locking my door. It was a good job she had just been to the toilet because we practically wet ourselves laughing, but Sophie checked the cupboards anyway.

Thankfully there was no Jools Holland to be found and I then went to the bathroom to clean my teeth and whatnot. When I came out Sophie said “Let’s go say night to Ivor (my hamster)”. So we went into my room and I thought something was fishy by the way she had made her suggestion. As soon as I walked in Andrew leapt out of my cupboard and shouted “Hootenanny!” at me. Luckily it didn’t scare me as I thought something was going to happen and his timing was slightly off.


This now brings me to tonight. About ten/twenty minutes ago I had another near-Jools-experience. Tomorrow, Sophie is going ‘on a date’ with long-term friend Jayde and she was adamant that she needed to decide what to wear there and then. I told her that she couldn’t open the cupboard because Jools Holland might be in there. But Sophie, not sharing my inane fear of the man, opened it anyway and shouted “Oh my God! He is here!”. Embarrassingly enough I screamed and jumped up to see if he actually was there. Obviously he wasn’t and we proceeded to laugh at my expense.

~ by Jess Wiles on February 3, 2011.

One Response to “Monsters in the Cupboard – My Irrational Fear of Jools Holland”

  1. Retard 😀

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: