The Colosseum

Welcome to the Colosseum. Here you can find all of the past battles staged here at the Colosseum.


Captain Jack Sparrow vs Long John Silver

Name: Captain Jack Sparrow

Features of note: Extremely lucky/ Has a crew of loyal pirate chums/ Can drink gallons of rum and still act exactly the same as usual/ Has a gun and a sword

Weaknesses: Women/ Rum/ Treasure/ Always drunk


Name: Long John Silver

Features of note: Very sneaky/ Has a crew of ruthless muppets!/ Has a parrot/ A complete cad.

Weaknesses: Treasure/ susceptible to punches from Miss Piggy/ Never quite ties up his loose

ends/ Has a peg-leg.

So, vote for your winner now!


Jess Vs Sophie

I’ll be taking on Sophie this week in The Battle for supremacy. The loser will have to do a forfeit which I will try to film and put up in a post. Feel free to make your suggestions for a forfeit but do try to keep them reasonable. Remember friends, our fates lie in your hands.

Name: Sophie the Screamer

Special Moves: Able to scream in frequencies well beyond human hearing / Can laugh about the same thing for up to 5 minutes / Short in size for easily disappearing in crowds and shops / Practically indestructible nose / Super armoured bra

Weaknesses: Trips over own feet / Cannot hold breath for long at all / Fear of Spiders / Easily influenced by alcohol

Name: Jess the Giraffe

Special Moves: Walking like a giraffe / Super pointy elbows / Ability to waffle about shit for undetermined lengths of time /Cooking with far too much spice / Destruction of lemonade

Weaknesses: Never wears pants (trousers) / Frightened of Jools Holland / Clumsy / Inability to kill crabs (on 40 Winks)

So…who’s it going to be?

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